you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
