you guys were way drunker than both of me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
