I cut my penus on the lid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
