I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You ate ashes out of my bong
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
