We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
