And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
