He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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