i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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