Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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