Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
