Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
