the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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