You're completely useless in the revolution.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
