I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
