this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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