He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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