I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
