You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
