Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
