she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
