Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
