The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
