my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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