I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
