Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
