Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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