Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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