Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
