i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
