i just google imaged poop.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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