Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
