That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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