Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
