He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
