No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
