So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
