You surviving the open bar?
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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