At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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