LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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