Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
