if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
