everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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