Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
