either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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