did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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