and she was petting her beer can
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
