she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
