Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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