just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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