Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
