Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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