I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
