Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
