I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
