There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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